under_illusions: (Devastation)
under_illusions ([personal profile] under_illusions) wrote in [community profile] toplvl 2022-09-20 01:54 am (UTC)

[Even the way Hawkeye lets go of him, feels like rejection. Afraid of the monstrous cold. The cold his heart appeared to be and the cold his body could generate.]

[Loki spent a lot on his clothes. Made sure they made a good impression, whatever impression he happened to be going for, in the moment. To have Clint treat his clothes in such a way, feels a bit like being discarded like garbage. Then the archer goes further and even begins to walk away. Loki's stomach grumbles a queasy little sound, watching him go. The mage tries to control his heart rate.]

[Watching Hawkeye run his hands through his hair is painful, too, though Loki would swear that he couldn't feel any more guilt than he already had. It reminds him of Heimdall telling him about their broken cities. Their broken families. Asking him what he thought he could give them as Loki had crumbled to the steps.]

[He shouldn't be here. He should just... what? Where could he go? He shouldn't be anywhere. Every time he thought he belonged... every time he thought he knew what the right actions to take would be... he'd been wrong. He just was wrong.]

[Loki's voice is small, when he finds the ability to speak again. He doesn't tell Clint that because the archer was one of the main people he'd been used against, Loki felt a debt to him in particular. They're both too wounded to continue this way.]
You mean much more... to me and to many others... than you seem to think you do.

That's my fault. And you don't have to care about me.

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