you don't know me

[insertusername]

bad rap

The things we become known for aren’t always what we’d like to be known for. Reputations are hard to run from. Sometimes they’re not even deserved. So here’s your chance to set the record straight. Clear up some misplaced assumptions, debunk any rumours about yourself and defy your stereotypes.

how to play:

Top level with something(s) your character is tired of people assuming about them, blaming them for, or pigeonholing them about, etc. Say it in person or over text.

Comment on any surprising, or not so surprising declarations.

Comments

[counterstep]

Yeah. Skills. Most of which are best used for killing.

( ...which was true, regardless the spin. he wouldn't be using it for that anymore, or course, but those skills were still part of who he was. )

And. Anyway. It's not like. The identity really matters here. If I lean into it at all, the government's just gonna use me as a puppet more. It's easier if I'm nobody.

[lawyerbyday]

That's a hard way to look at things. It must make it difficult for you to... be around others.

[It sounded like Bucky did his best not to, which just made Matt all that more insistent that they at least be friends, if nothing else.]

[counterstep]

( licking his lips anxiously, his head dipped after a moment. )

Yeah. It. It does.

[lawyerbyday]

[He debated on his move, but after a moment, he slid his hand down from Bucky's elbow to his hand, fingers light around the other man's.]

I'm sorry.

[counterstep]

( huffing gently, bucky glanced to matt, offering a dry smile he couldn't see. )

Don't be. We don't get to choose our lives.

[lawyerbyday]

But we can choose to change the parts we want.

[Subtle nudging there, Bucky.]

[counterstep]

Sure, but I can't change what HYDRA made me into.

[lawyerbyday]

I'm not sure I believe that.

[Because Matt was one of those people that hoped for the best.]

[counterstep]

Steve's the same.

( but steve was gone now. so. )

[lawyerbyday]

[New Steve, who dis?]

Maybe he had a point.

[counterstep]

Or maybe he didn't know a lost cause when he saw one.

[lawyerbyday]

I never met the man, but considering what he stood for and what he accomplished, I'm not sure that's true.

[counterstep]

( hesitantly, ) It's different, though. Because. That's just how. That's how everyone sees Steve. Captain America, rather.

I knew him. And I know he wasn't always right. For as good as he is, for however much I loved the guy to death, he wasn't infallible. I believe in what he can do. What he's capable of.

But there are going to be exceptions to the rule. And that's. That's unavoidable.

[lawyerbyday]

Bucky...

[A heavy sigh, Matt giving his hand a squeeze before he turned a little more towards him, knee bumping his on the couch as he shifted a little closer.]

I think you're the worst critic you have. From where you are, it's impossible to see yourself as anything other than the worst parts that have made it here. The fact you're trying to change, that you want to? That makes you the opposite of what they tried to turn you into. And I say tried, because they had to keep wiping you. Keep destroying the parts of you that surfaced that fought them.

[counterstep]

( his gaze shifted from where it had lingered on the glass, in his hand, studying matt a moment as he let the words sit. there was an undeniable truth in it, a natural inclination that hydra couldn't stop, had to continue fighting against the longer he'd been activated. but was that really enough? he didn't know. couldn't, really. )

Maybe. ( he took another drink before continuing, ) I know I'll always be my worst critic. Like anyone else would be for themselves.

Anyway, I. I'll think about it.

[lawyerbyday]

Good. Now, so we don't beat a dead horse, how about I let you casually change the subject onto something less likely to keep you squirming on the couch.

In that kind of discomfort, at least.

[counterstep]

( it didn't bother him as much as one might have expected, discussing these things, but he hated how guilty it made others feel, how they didn't know how to talk to him about most of it. that wasn't even getting into how his court-appointed therapist who was possibly one of the worst in her trade, all things considered, but not out of the ordinary for a military assignment. having been through what he needed just to get cleared again, bucky couldn't help but wonder also how practical it really was, listening to any of the advice she'd offered.

taking another drink, bucky hummed, offering a sheepish smile before giving matt a slight nudge with his elbow. )

I think you invited me up for more than just talking about old sins, right?

[lawyerbyday]

More hoping to edge on a few new ones, but I'm also hoping you're comfortable. Though, I'm not going to lie, it certainly hasn't left my mind.

[He hit a lot of Matt's factors in what he found attractive in a person, so it wasn't difficult to see why his mind wandered down that path. Besides reminding him of people he was already romantically attracted do, he was just... interesting himself. He sounded like as appealing as the outline Matt could see, and every little move just made his attention pique even further.]

[counterstep]

( smiling gently, he nudged matt with his elbow playfully. ) Wouldn't share if I wasn't comfortable.

( he'd sooner lie about it. )

I can't pretend I'm not still curious, though.

[lawyerbyday]

Mm... and what exactly are you curious about? Maybe I can... enlighten you about a few things.

[Matt stretched his arm out along the back of the couch, resting it behind Bucky as he half leaned towards him.]

[counterstep]

( he couldn't help the scoff-like laugh, after matt leaned in the way he had and put his arm around. bucky had used the move himself before, of course, and it was certainly a first to be the subject of it. heat tinged the tips of his ears. )

Well. I mean. It was mostly the. Since we were talking about kissing before, so.

[lawyerbyday]

Are you saying it would be okay if I... leaned in and kissed you?

[His eyes never focused on Bucky as he spoke, as he leaned in. He tried to direct them his way- most people preferred it, but he was blind, after all. Still, he was smiling, leaning in, and he had to tell himself to keep his hands to himself and not rest one on his thigh. Slow, Murdock. Slow.]

[counterstep]

( his breath quickened a titch, unable to shake the nervous reaction in his gut, as if he were in school again, and a girl he knew was asking for a kiss. dampening his lips instinctively, he waited for breath to steady before answering, despite the sharpened thuds of his heart. )

Yeah. That'd. I'd be okay. With that.

[lawyerbyday]

[Matt wasn't stupid. He was listening to Bucky's body as much as he was to his words. The shaky breathing, the increased heartbeat, the lick of his lips. Matt's own pulse ticked up a little in response.]

Okay.

[That was all he said, not wanting to drag it out and turn anticipation into anxiety. The hand not behind Bucky came up, fingers dragging gently over Bucky's cheek, down to his jaw, outlining where he was so he could lean in further, head tipping to let his lips barely graze over Bucky's. He was almost glad the man couldn't hear how hard his heart started pounding after that.]

[counterstep]

( he couldn't remember the last time he'd kissed someone, but the instinct remained. feeling matt's hand against his cheek, he let the proximity settle a moment before leaning further in, blood rushing through his ears. the first thing he noticed was matt's scent, something that had certainly been near all the while and hadn't quite registered to him, despite realizing that it was matt and it defined his presence.

with the brush against his lips, he released a nervous breath, warmth against skin, and hesitated before leaning forward the rest of the way, pressing in solemnly with something chaste. he didn't dare for more, too uncertain to force himself further. )