Entry tags:

make amends

Remember that terrible shit you did? Time to make it right. Ish.

Top Level with the start of your apology(ies). Public or private. In person or over txt.

Well That Was Awkward ↦ Maybe you’re nervous. Awe struck. Tongue tied. Just a little socially awkward. Whatever. This is going to be bumpy.
Total Catastrophe ↦ You fucked up so hard with this one there might not be any coming back from it.
Not Again ↦ You know this wasn’t the first time. This is kind of your MO.
Sorry Not Sorry ↦ Maybe you’re prideful. Maybe you really aren’t to blame. Either way, this only debatably qualifies as an apology at all.
Wildcard ↦ You know what you did.

Comment to see where their sorry song goes. Maybe it’s an apology you didn’t know you had coming, maybe it’s long overdue, completely unnecessary or anything else. Whether or not you’re feeling forgiving is up to you.

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No! No.

You saying everything was, is, okay just came so easily. Nothing is easy for me, ever.

But you. You can handle things not going according to plan. And change. And my [he lifts his hands on either side of his head, waving them at the wrists to indicate a flurry of buzzing thoughts] everything.

[Eddie drops his hands to allow his body to go limp and further lean into Richie. He's tired, so tired.]

I want things to be okay. For you to be okay, and quite honestly and maybe selfishly, not pissed at me. [You're babbling now, Eds, get to the point.] I just don't know how to let things be what you say they are. You're safe, we're all safe, and I still can't forgive myself. I feel like I still need to do something.

So let me do something for you, man. I don't care what it is, ask me to grab you a napkin for all I care. But as far as I see it I owe you a debt until it's paid.

Giving me a lot of credit there, Eds.

[Credit Richie honestly isn't sure he deserves. There are things he cannot handle, and if change means he has to tell the truth then he's not completely sure he can handle it. Not half so well as Eddie seems to think he is. But when Eddie leans into him, Richie's arms come up to wrap loosely around him, like when they were kids.

His heart beats faster. That has not changed in 27 years.]

I am okay. Trust me, if I get pissed at you, you'll know. [I love you too much, you owe me nothing, all I want is this, is you right here with me, that's it, that's all—]

I want it on the record that I personally don't think you owe me shit, as far as I'm concerned, but I'm still gonna take full advantage of this carte blanche you've just handed me. [He pauses.] I—You know, every time I go to New York [and he pronounces it with a brief accent, New Yoik] I keep getting lost looking for this one bagel shop that sells really good cinnamon-raisin bagels? You know the city better than I do, be my tour guide.

[It's honestly relatively minor, something Richie could easily resolve by just plugging the shop's name into Google Maps. But in truth he doesn't care about the bagels, only Eddie's company. He wants to spend as much time as possible in the same city as he is, in the same space, but he can't come right out and say it, because when you've been hiding as long as he has, there comes a point in time when the hiding comes much easier than stepping out into the light.

It's pathetic and it's sad and Richie knows it, but he still can't help it.]

[The arms around him feel comforting in a way that is at once familiar and new. Sure, they were no strangers to comforting each other as children, but a child's arms can only protect so much. These new arms feel noticeably stronger, like they could pull him close into a body so much bigger than his own that could shield him from any ill. It's a stupid thought, but it's a nice one, and one that he'll hold as long as those arms hold him.

Eddie lifts his own arms to return the hug, circling Richie tentatively. It's been difficult to accept anything good, but if he's forced to acknowledge the present physically then maybe the rest will fall into place. With a weary sigh Eddie drops his forehead onto Richie's chest, and when he speaks it's as if directly to his friend's shirt rather than the wearer himself.]

I'm gonna need more to go on than "that one bagel shop", dumbass.

Last I checked it was called Bachman's Bakes, but it's been a while, I could be misremembering.

[Eddie is hugging him back. It's been so long since the last time they did this, the last time they hugged, that Richie can't help but tighten his grip a little, lean in a little more. One hand drifts up to gently rest over the back of Eddie's neck, and that's pushing it already, pushing the boundaries of their friendship. If Richie pushes any further it might break, so he won't. He won't.

But god does he want to.]

You don't owe me anything. You never have. Long as you're around, shit, I'm as happy as the day your mom married me. [Aaaaand there it is. He laughs a little at his own dumb mom joke, clearly satisfied with himself.] But seriously, I'm just—I'm glad you're here.

[Eddie shakes his head at the joke, forehead brushing against the shirt. He should have expected something like that sooner or later. The hug is released only briefly in order for Eddie to punch his friend lightly in the arm.]

I was wondering when she'd finally make an honest man out of you. It's about time.

[This is nice, normal. Bantering like they used to with the worries slipping away. Richie had always had that effect on him. Even in their most heated moments the world shrank into something manageable when the two were in each other's company. If Eddie was braver than he knew, then knowing he had a consistently loyal friend by his side certainly didn't hurt.]

When we're done here I'd like to take you up on that tour. Would you have time in your schedule for a visit or am I going to have to book an appointment with your people?

Yeah, and it only took twenty-seven years.

[Richie huffs out a breath, shakes his head. In all honesty, the question of his career is kind of up in the air now, what with bombing onstage and then up and running off to Derry with barely a word of notice. He deliberately has not been answering his manager's voicemails, has even turned his phone off for the time being, and he's not looking forward to turning it back on and being blasted with some very irate voicemails.

Still.]

Yeah, well, I cancelled all the shows I had coming up, so my schedule's free and clear. I can come hang out any time.

You should come back with me.

[The offer is blurted out quickly before remembering that he has another person he needs to consult with first. Still, after everything he's been through, a visit from a friend seems like a small concession.]

I'm sure Myra wouldn't mind. [That can't be guaranteed.] You could stay with us.

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