Entry tags:

make amends

Remember that terrible shit you did? Time to make it right. Ish.

Top Level with the start of your apology(ies). Public or private. In person or over txt.

Well That Was Awkward ↦ Maybe you’re nervous. Awe struck. Tongue tied. Just a little socially awkward. Whatever. This is going to be bumpy.
Total Catastrophe ↦ You fucked up so hard with this one there might not be any coming back from it.
Not Again ↦ You know this wasn’t the first time. This is kind of your MO.
Sorry Not Sorry ↦ Maybe you’re prideful. Maybe you really aren’t to blame. Either way, this only debatably qualifies as an apology at all.
Wildcard ↦ You know what you did.

Comment to see where their sorry song goes. Maybe it’s an apology you didn’t know you had coming, maybe it’s long overdue, completely unnecessary or anything else. Whether or not you’re feeling forgiving is up to you.

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[He pauses expectantly and raises his eyebrows, drumming his fingers over the armrest when Ed leaves his thought unfinished.] Well, I'm sorry if my sentimentality inconveniences you in some way, [he says, finally, while setting his drink aside] but I am grateful for all they did for me, and nothing will ever change that.

[The words don't land with the stone-cold finality that they could have, though, and Oswald goes quiet for a beat, his gaze unfocusing.]

...All the more with the understanding that not everyone is so fortunate.

[He blinks, his brow wrinkling again as if something just occurred to him.]

Before you, and Ed... they alone were there for me in some of my darkest hours. I never had the benefit of a circle of companions that you claim to have enjoyed.

Edited 2020-10-18 08:03 (UTC)

[A bitter little laugh escapes Edward's throat, arms wrapping tighter about himself. His stomach is churning, and he wants just to go more than anything, but it feels like his feet are fixed to the floor.]

I only met them after I came to Gotham. After I'd been in the city for some years.

[As ever, talking about the friends he was forced to leave behind makes him wish he could see them again. As much as he enjoys Oswald's company, he's always been sociable, and it's hard not to miss Harley's cheer or Jonathan's intelligence. There had been others he'd socialised with before then but no one who had mattered. Fleeting sources of companionship that had sooner or later always been unable to keep up with him or complained about his ego, called him selfish or obnoxious, claimed there was something wrong with his mind. It took getting thrown into Arkham to meet people who didn't think there was something wrong with him, ironically.]

Before that, it was different. [He'd been different, still weird little Eddie Nashton. But Oswald doesn't know that. All Edward can hope is that the explanation will be enough to make him drop it and move on.]

[Letting things be is not Oswald's way, of course, despite the restlessness Ed is radiating. He listens, and it comes as something of a surprise to him that Ed isn't a native Gothamite. But Ed's disinterest in Gotham's history, if true, makes more sense to him, even if he can't relate.]

Those days are behind you. ...You're here now, [By which he means, with him] and you will never know the pain of that loneliness ever again.

[It's a surprisingly sweet sentiment that Oswald offers. So, naturally, Edward has to ruin it. He scoffs, looking at Oswald out of the corner of his eye.]

You can't guarantee that. Neither of us can. We could die any day from illness, accident, an enemy. [It's an oddly welcome change of subject although he knows he's running the risk of undoing the work he's done. Taking a deep breath, Edward tries another smile.]

Still better than before. [He offers the agreement to hopefully diffuse further dispute, weak as it is.]

[In silence, he surrenders to the idea that there's enough that's beyond even his control. And he's ultimately reminded of the appointments he hasn't scheduled for himself, the licensed doctors he hasn't turned to, the question of whether he inherited his father's bad heart left hanging in the air. For now, still able to push through his weaknesses without more of a struggle than his limp presents, it's easy for him to convince himself that he must be okay and that he will be for years to come. There's too much left to do in Gotham to slow down now.

He catches Ed's smile - a sad little thing that doesn't seem to do much for either of them - and offers none in return. Instead, he sighs out what's left of his irritation and pushes up off the armchair with a grunt, limping towards him.]

...We could spend the rest of our evening indulging fears and fretting over the infinite possibilities of what could happen every time we step out that door... Or, we could make the most of the time that we know we do have.

[He pauses a few feet from Ed with his hands stuffed into his pockets, looking up into his face thoughtfully.]

I, for one, have no intentions of going anywhere. Tonight, or for the next fifty-some-odd years.

Edited 2020-10-19 12:27 (UTC)

[Edward blinks as Oswald approaches, looking down him in faint surprise. He'd thought the comment would be met with some degree of irritation but the man continues to surprise him. Smiling for real, he closes the distance between them so he can loop his arms around Oswald's shoulders.

With the matter of Edward's earlier comments on Oswald's father seemingly forgiven he can relax. His earlier bad mood isn't entirely gone - if Oswald had said he had to leave to take care of business Edward would doubtless have undone the entire conversation with a demand for attention.

That hasn't happened and, wanting to ensure that stays the case and Oswald doesn't decide to question the matter further, he presses closer demandingly. Ducking down to try and kiss Oswald, Edward murmurs against his skin-] Only fifty years, Ozzie? Not planning on making it to a hundred?

[Oswald lets himself be pulled in, his lips tingling under Ed's. He hadn't expected to be swayed to sympathy at the start of their conversation. much less when they've been here before, with one of them holding the others' feet to the fire to extract an apology, an admission of fault. This wasn't supposed to be about Ed's pain. But it happened. And the same booze that could've brought out the worst in him has only softened his jagged edges. Like how the same words that could've easily stoked his rage have reached him instead.

Nothing is truly ever forgotten or forgiven, tonight or ever. They're simply set aside for the next time they disagree. And they will. Because, in the end, after they have kissed and curled up around each other to sleep, Oswald will still sing praises and wax poetic about his parents without apology, because his sentimentality is as deeply woven into his being as Ed's compulsion to tell riddles. They are who they are, and what can't be changed are things they must learn to stand, if their love is to last.]

...Sad as it is, in a way, there will come a time when I'll have done all there is to do and fulfilled my purpose on this earth. In fifty years... nothing will remain of my ambitions and curiosities but the stories of a life well-lived.

[He offers a wistful quirk of his lips, his hand coming to rest just above Ed's hip.]

Besides, I hope to have a little spryness to me left in the twilight of my life.

Edited 2020-10-21 09:26 (UTC)

[Maybe, with time, Edward won't resent every positive word Oswald voices about his parents and this argument won't happen again. It's unlikely to be the case the next time the subject comes up - he can't even bring himself to tell Oswald why he hates hearing it so much, the chance that next time he'll hold his tongue instead of disparaging or picking a fight is low. Much are the chances that next time Oswald will be so forgiving.

Facts they're both aware of but ones Edward at least finds it easier to avoid for now. He's never been good at admitting fault and here, where it touches upon something he's put such effort into burying it's even harder to admit his reactions don't have anything to do with Oswald himself. So for now, he'll latch onto this out and pretend the argument never happened until it comes around again.]

Perhaps, but those stories - and the remains of your empire that your successors will fight to claim - will linger long after you've lost that spryness. [Grinning, Edward presses his face into Oswald's neck, holding him close still.] My genius will naturally be impossible to forget for generations.

[The alternative - being forgotten once he's gone or sooner - sends a shiver of fear through him that has him tugging Oswald against him demandingly, heedless of whether or not he'll upset the truce they've somehow slipped into.]

[He hums, swaying gently on the spot.]

Still don't care about Gotham's history? [He asks, a teasing, knowing smile creeping into his voice. His amusement gives way to sombre thought.] Our legacies we shall leave behind are far bigger than us, Ed... it would have brought great joy to my heart to see that boy Martin following in my footsteps.

[He pines for what could've been, but not for the children he doesn't have. He's never had the time or the interest in becoming a biological parent.]

But he is where he is for his own safety.

Edited 2020-11-02 03:49 (UTC)

Future history, perhaps. [He pulls back a little to look down at Oswald, shaking his head in amusement.] I still can't believe you became attached to some child to that extent.

[He's never met the boy that somehow won Oswald over but can't imagine feeling the same. Children are too messy and annoying, and most have no interest in riddles. Why anyone would waste their time on one is a mystery beyond even his mind. The fact that Oswald has no connection to the boy makes it, even more, baffling - biological imperative is something he can understand - though that is hardly universal - but a stranger?]

You should be careful, Ozzie, or I'll start to think you've gone soft and then where will you be?

[With a wry smile:]

I'm pretty sure I can manage.

[His raised eyebrows, meanwhile, ask Ed, 'can you?' He understands he's being teased, and could easily meet Ed's comment with the same energy. But his wistful, contemplative mood lingers a while longer.]

Children, by and large, are filthy, shrieking little monsters. But that little boy is not. He is clever, eager to learn, and full of potential... different enough that he was once an easy target among his peers. I was able to lend my expertise to him in solving his problems and he, in turn, helped me with mine.

[He sighs softly though his nose, nuzzling the crook of Ed's neck.]

I know my heart will always be my greatest weakness. But if that weren't the case, you and I may have never come together the way that we have. And that is very sad to think about.

[The easy solution is not to. But he is inclined to take the good in his life a little less for granted now and again, knowing how easily love can and has been ripped from his fingers before.]

Edited 2020-11-03 04:56 (UTC)

[Edward just grins in response, not offering his own answer. He has to keep some parts of himself an enigma, even to those closest to him.

The expression shifts as Oswald speaks, still amused but softening, his smile turning fond.] So he's intelligent. I suppose I can see why you might become attached.

[The boy would have to be smart to be able to assist Oswald. Edward still doesn't really understand the attachment, but it's easier to see how the pieces fit together with the picture Oswald paints. It's certainly a familiar enough scenario as far as Martin's relationship with his peers goes.

Edward doesn't quite have Oswald's appreciation for the need to hold onto what matters, but he knows what it's like to lose everything and everyone he knew. That lends a certain perspective even if his inclination is to avoid thinking about it as much as possible. He prefers this, giving a pleased hum as Oswald nuzzles against him and carding fingers through his hair.]

I do prefer you soft, I think. There are enough thugs out there eager to assault anyone smarter than them - or different from themselves. [Something they both know too well.]

[It's a little funny, in a sad way, how much mockery and abuse the both of them have swallowed despite Gotham being such a magnet for the strange and the unconventional. There is some tolerance to be found here, in the form of indifference - but tolerance and acceptance aren't the same. And neither are close enough to the love Oswald is always searching for.]

I have a keen eye and appreciation for the talents of others. [He smiles against Ed's shoulder.] Hired guns and muscle are everywhere. Someone with, say, more than two brain cells to rub together, on the other hand...

[He snorts softly.]

Needless to say, I couldn't ask for a better friend, conspirator, and partner-in-crime.

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Sorry managed to overlook this!

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