you don't know me

[insertusername]

bad rap

The things we become known for aren’t always what we’d like to be known for. Reputations are hard to run from. Sometimes they’re not even deserved. So here’s your chance to set the record straight. Clear up some misplaced assumptions, debunk any rumours about yourself and defy your stereotypes.

how to play:

Top level with something(s) your character is tired of people assuming about them, blaming them for, or pigeonholing them about, etc. Say it in person or over text.

Comment on any surprising, or not so surprising declarations.

Comments

[lawyerbyday]

Not really. Not anymore. Foggy's got himself a girl and between work and his home life, we mostly keep our social interactions to the office and Josie's.

[That was it for friends, Bucky. He and Karen were a little complicated, but they kept it strictly to work and Josie's with Foggy.]

I go see my priest now and then. Confession's good for the soul.

[counterstep]

( chuckling, ) A very Catholic thing to say.

How do you reconcile your interest in men, with your faith?

[lawyerbyday]

Not all Catholics are homophobic. The way I see it, love is love. Same sex couples exist in multiple species; penguins, swans, dogs. Lots of monogamous and polyamorous species partake in it, so how isn't it a natural thing. Besides, there's no commandment that says thou shall not be gay. The rest of it's up to interpretation.

[He brought two glasses over to the table along with the bottle of whiskey, pouring at the table and leaving the bottle there in case a refill was wanted. He slid the glass carefully in front of Bucky, then took a seat himself.]

The bible has God pissed off more about people eating shellfish than he says anything about lying with another man, and yet shrimp cocktails and lobster bisque are happily gorged on. I think people like to use the bible to promote their own agenda, but only when it means they get to oppress others. The ones who are actually following their faith happily don't gather in mobs to tell people what to do.

[counterstep]

( he took a sip from the offered glass. the familiar taste slid across his tongue pleasantly, and bucky hummed with satisfaction. )

People hide behind other's words, when they want to feel justified and are too afraid to say things with their own voice. Propaganda works much the same way.

( no matter who it was for. )

Not that it's what made me leave it behind. But it did nothing for me, after a point. Made me hate myself instead.

[lawyerbyday]

Religion's not for everyone. Neither is exploring their sexuality. I'm content being what I am. A bisexual blind Catholic lawyer. There's no point in having free will if everyone's just a cookie cutout of everyone else.

[He picked up his cup and smiled at Bucky, settling on the couch a little more.]

So, what are you and what do you want to be?

[counterstep]

( even knowing it wasn't exactly what matt was trying to get him to say, bucky felt it was still more honest to answer: ) I'm a weapon. I want to be useful.

( to matter. )

[lawyerbyday]

[Oh, Bucky. Matt's smile was a little sad this time.]

Are you sure it's not 'was a weapon'? You're the one in control again.

[counterstep]

I'm in control, sure. Of what the weapon does now.

That's what I do best. I'd be wasting what I have if I don't use it. Anyway, it's for better reasons, now.

[lawyerbyday]

Doesn't mean- or doesn't have to mean that's all you are. You're a man. You're a sentient being, Bucky. Not a weapon. You have... skills.

[He felt like he'd had this conversation before. About Black Sky. With Stick and Elektra both.]

[counterstep]

Yeah. Skills. Most of which are best used for killing.

( ...which was true, regardless the spin. he wouldn't be using it for that anymore, or course, but those skills were still part of who he was. )

And. Anyway. It's not like. The identity really matters here. If I lean into it at all, the government's just gonna use me as a puppet more. It's easier if I'm nobody.

[lawyerbyday]

That's a hard way to look at things. It must make it difficult for you to... be around others.

[It sounded like Bucky did his best not to, which just made Matt all that more insistent that they at least be friends, if nothing else.]

[counterstep]

( licking his lips anxiously, his head dipped after a moment. )

Yeah. It. It does.

[lawyerbyday]

[He debated on his move, but after a moment, he slid his hand down from Bucky's elbow to his hand, fingers light around the other man's.]

I'm sorry.

[counterstep]

( huffing gently, bucky glanced to matt, offering a dry smile he couldn't see. )

Don't be. We don't get to choose our lives.

[lawyerbyday]

But we can choose to change the parts we want.

[Subtle nudging there, Bucky.]

[counterstep]

Sure, but I can't change what HYDRA made me into.

[lawyerbyday]

I'm not sure I believe that.

[Because Matt was one of those people that hoped for the best.]

[counterstep]

Steve's the same.

( but steve was gone now. so. )

[lawyerbyday]

[New Steve, who dis?]

Maybe he had a point.

[counterstep]

Or maybe he didn't know a lost cause when he saw one.

[lawyerbyday]

I never met the man, but considering what he stood for and what he accomplished, I'm not sure that's true.

[counterstep]

( hesitantly, ) It's different, though. Because. That's just how. That's how everyone sees Steve. Captain America, rather.

I knew him. And I know he wasn't always right. For as good as he is, for however much I loved the guy to death, he wasn't infallible. I believe in what he can do. What he's capable of.

But there are going to be exceptions to the rule. And that's. That's unavoidable.

[lawyerbyday]

Bucky...

[A heavy sigh, Matt giving his hand a squeeze before he turned a little more towards him, knee bumping his on the couch as he shifted a little closer.]

I think you're the worst critic you have. From where you are, it's impossible to see yourself as anything other than the worst parts that have made it here. The fact you're trying to change, that you want to? That makes you the opposite of what they tried to turn you into. And I say tried, because they had to keep wiping you. Keep destroying the parts of you that surfaced that fought them.

[counterstep]

( his gaze shifted from where it had lingered on the glass, in his hand, studying matt a moment as he let the words sit. there was an undeniable truth in it, a natural inclination that hydra couldn't stop, had to continue fighting against the longer he'd been activated. but was that really enough? he didn't know. couldn't, really. )

Maybe. ( he took another drink before continuing, ) I know I'll always be my worst critic. Like anyone else would be for themselves.

Anyway, I. I'll think about it.

[lawyerbyday]

Good. Now, so we don't beat a dead horse, how about I let you casually change the subject onto something less likely to keep you squirming on the couch.

In that kind of discomfort, at least.