toplvl | bad rap

I'm not genocidal. But if someone says they want to kill all the Bosnians, and they pick up guns to do it with, I will kill them. Even if they're Serbian like me, even though the Bosnians would never lift a hand to save me, it doesn't matter. I won't let the war start up again and I won't have mercy for those who try to restart it. We're done with that.

You sound a lot like my uncle and my dad. They used to talk about stuff like that. So I can't call any of that evil really. If it is being done to prevent worse, and you aren't doing the same in return, that seems like a good thing to me.

[Iskra lets out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, and nods gratefully at the understanding.] Thank you. It's good to be heard out, for once. I know my methodology isn't ideal, but I'm trying to keep the peace. That's all I ever wanted.

Unfortunately, people who have never set foot in the region are always full of ideas on how they would have solved these problems and fixed things without bloodshed. It's easy to be brave and wise from a distance and with hindsight.

[She smiled in return.] I can imagine. People tend to judge before they know what is going on.

Well I'm not all that wise and I don't know about brave, but it would be nice if things could get solved without people, especially innocent ones, getting killed. [She sighed a bit, and shrugged lightly] But nice is hard to come by.

A lot of people do, yes. It's a frequent subject of conversation when my country comes up - or any of the other countries in the Balkans, really. We've all been painted as violent lunatics rather than having had our situations viewed with any nuance. Or humanity.

I'm very precise about who I kill. I don't kill innocent bystanders, family of the insurgents and war criminals in question, no children, no elderly, no pregnant women. No one who's genuinely given up fighting, either, even if they used to be associated with vile people. [She's not killing everyone who displeases her like some demon out of legend. There are internal rules she abides by, people she wouldn't touch under any circumstance, and reasons behind who she picks. There is no room for error in something this serious.]

[She thought hard, after all she had been out of school for a few years.]I remember from school that the Balkans was always caught between all the 'great' powers for at least a thousand years. And that isn't even considering the general political upheaval in Europe in general later.

That is very precise, maybe even just? Way too many wouldn't care to be so ocntrolled.

You don't want to get into it. Both because I'm a history nerd, and because it's very complicated, particularly for Croatian-born Serbians such as myself, to say nothing of the religious tensions and the mixed feelings about Russification and historic Turkish imperialism and- [She holds up a hand as if stopping herself from going on.] It's more complicated that "Serbians bad, Bosnians good, everybody else is unimportant", which all too often was the rhetoric in the press from the very beginning.

I try. I won't say I've never made mistakes, but that's why I have others I work with, so they can endeavor to make sure all our intel is correct and people are who they say they are. A lot of care is taken to avoid any accidental casualties. I know what it's like to have my entire village viewed as an acceptable loss, so I don't believe, personally, in acceptable losses.

[Anna smiled and leaned forward listening to the other woman until she stopped herself.] Oh that is what I meant, it seemed complicated. Especially for someone for someone far away not knowing all that history in its details.

I guess I don't really understand given all that, how you were tagged as the bad guy?

It's complicated, but if you understand that it's complicated, that in and of itself is more thought put into it than most people put in.

I'll try not to go on a lengthy lecture here about geopolitical disputes. To simplify things, if NATO controls the narrative of the region as violent and chaotic, they can justify bombing us and destabilizing our governments, and then justify having a lot of say in what laws should and should not pass in Balkan countries. If they can do that, they and the World Trade Organization can make a lot of profit out of keeping sweatshops operating in the region, and that makes them a lot of money. If people like me prove countries in the region can be self-governing, then the whole thing falls apart and they won't be able to retain enough power to make money.

But they know they can't meaningfully demonstrate how my methodology is worse than theirs, because it isn't. So instead, they have to run a smear campaign against me and make me sound like an absolute monster who'll murder anything that moves. If they can paint me as a villain, then they can be the heroes swooping in to stop me, and then their plan is back on track.

See also: the UN-NATO-WTO trifecta and their selective interventions in wars in Africa since the inception of those organizations. [A pause, and then she buries her face in her hands.] Jesus, I said I wasn't going to lecture you. I'm sorry. I have a lot of feelings about this.

[She shook her head and lightly laughed.] No, no need to apologize. Besides you weren't lecturing or at least I didn't think so. And I can understand because it does imapct you and what you've had to do.

That is a lot and honestly I'm not the best with politics. There is just one thing I listen out for when I do pay attention, cause usually it seems a mess.

The very brief summary is that there's money to be made in having a monopoly on violence and my being around prevents that monopoly.

...which in retrospect I could have just said without the rest, but. I try to give some context for those from outside the region.

But you would have left out a lot of context about why if you had. [A genuine smile was given.]

Cause then it would have sounded like it was all about power for you and them. Instead of what sounds to be the opposite.

Power is worthless. Stability is the only thing of value. I want to create a stable country, and taking back power from others is a step towards that, but I don't intend to hold onto that power. When the last of the war criminals are tried and the career criminals taken out of the police force, we'll have a functioning police and a functioning government. And then I can retire and go do... something. I don't know. Whatever people do when everything is peaceful.

And when do you think that will happen? [With no small bit of curiosity]

Maybe whatever you wanted to do before this.

I don't know. I would hope within the next five years or so, maybe quicker or longer depending on how things develop with Kosovo. I can't imagine this dragging on for longer than a decade.

...before the war broke out I was twelve. I barely recognize that person as me, honestly. So much has changed. Back then I wanted to live in a little village in the mountains, maybe be a teacher, or work on a farm. I always loved animals.

For you and your people's sake, I hope it is soon. It can't be good if does go on longer.

[A bit of a grin.] I can see you being a teacher. You seem to have a knack for it.

Ranching is hard work, but rewarding. It would do you some good to focus on life after all of this that you've told me about.

It's possible things with Kosovo might turn into a battle of litigation and protests rather than physical battles. I hope to God it does. There's definitely people on both sides who want peace, despite the press coverage to the contrary.

My best friend floated the idea of me teaching history once. I think it'd be rewarding, but I never got the chance to finish high school, so it's not likely. Parents don't typically want their child taught by someone without a degree.

My parents were ranchers. Goat farmers, in the countryside. We lived in a massive house with another family who worked the same land. I won't say we were ever rich, but we always had enough to eat and things seemed to make a lot more sense then. No geopolitical quandry this or ethnoreligious tension that, just goat milk to gather, cheese presses to work and fur to shear. Markets to set up at every Saturday, church on Sundays.

[She aches for it. Those days were so kind to her, so gentle. She lived without fear for herself or others and took for granted that it would always remain that way, always assumed that she'd stay in her sleepy little slice of the mountains. No one ever told her how fragile all that could be, how easily taken away it all was.]

Litigation and protests are certainly better than shooting. And it would mean that there are more people on both sides that want it, which I think would be a good thing. [A bit of a nod, having only a tenuous grasp of all the complications involved. But it was heartfelt.]

Degrees are formalities, if you know it...[Anna's shoulders shrugged slightly.] Hell, my dad never graduated high school and he's probably one of the smartest men I know.

[Her smile broadened she knew that feeling of what the woman talked of.]
I grew up on a ranch too! A cattle ranch, but we had a few sheep and goats as well. Horse too, of course. Can't have a ranch in Texas without those.

It was good, rewarding and something I didn't really appreciate until I moved out. Maybe you can take the girl off the ranch, but can't get the ranch out of the girl? [An arch of her brow in a conspiratorial look before she laughed.]

There are definitely enough people on both sides that want a nonviolent resolution for it to be possible. I just can't help worrying a few bad actors will provoke violence regardless. These situations are prone to going off the rails at a moment's notice.

[She nods, conceding the point.] My father was the same. He had a stunning amount of knowledge about biology, weather, animals, health, and all the practical knowledge on repairs to keep things going. He also didn't continue going to school after he was fourteen. Ranching in the countryside meant he was needed at home.

We had a horse. [Iskra smiles at the memory, fondly.] Loshmi. I named him and he didn't come to the name my father tried to give him. I used to feed him berries in the spring; he'd bolt clear across the field if I whistled for him.

[In spite of everything she can't help but laugh.] Maybe! It would explain a lot about me. I certainly miss having the space to breathe - I love Novi Sad, but city crowds sometimes make me want to scream. The charm of the city lights wore off quicker than I think eleven year old me would have thought possible.

As helpful as this probably ain't....It sounds like a bar brawl. You got a bunch of people that don't want none on one hand, and then a few that are itching to throw.[She shook her head.] It could go either way, unless the people that don't want none get sick of the ones that do.

Loshmi..Did I pronounce that right? What does it mean? [She is the curious sort, and some might call her superstitious as well. Though mother had taught her names were important. But her smile grew wider at the obvious affection the woman had for Loshmi] I had a Pinto, or a Piebald stallion I named Bowie. One hell of a cutting horse, and loved to barrel race.

[She nodded in complete agreement.] Same here, always busy and in L.A. there so much concrete and people. There are parts of it I like, I am a night owl so there is always something to get into. But I do miss just going out and getting some space to think sometimes. Maybe look up at the stars.[The last part she said wistfully]

Having been in bar fights, I feel like that's the best summation. Right now I'm firmly in the camp of 'don't want none, won't start any, Jesus Christ will you all sit down and finish your beers like adults'. It's remarkable how much international conflict resembles Saturday night rowdiness down at the pub.

Loshmi. Like Milosh, the most common Serbian boy name, but you flip the syllables. It's part of a kind of slang, Shatrovachki, that's very common in the cities. As a kid, I would hear it in radio dramas and thought it was cool how nicknames got made from regular names. So I named the horse Loshmi. He was silver and loved to get into the river, which meant if the horse and I both went missing that's the first place Mama would check. I loved swimming and so did he. Sometimes he would stick his whole head into the water trough.

[This is the best conversation she's had in a while. Finally, someone gets it.] I'm still in love with the all-night bakeries. Truly the best thing all the Balkans have ever produced is a place to grab donuts before the crack of dawn. And I'm enjoying the more mild weather, definitely. I just haven't found a place in Novi Sad where I can see the sky like I could back home. Mama and Otach and I would sometimes sit by the window and they would point out constellations to me, and tell me stories about them. A lot of them are sort of local, or maybe it's more accurate to say they're less well-known outside the region. In the city, though, all I can see is Severnjacha - the north star. Can you see her in LA?

[A chuckle.] Funny how things can scale up, huh?

So kind of a diminutive? [She thought about that, and filed it away in her brain. Given her profession, plays on words and names were a staple. She smiled more and nodded along as she detailed Loshmi's and her endevours.] Well at least you were never without a swimming partner, so your parents couldn't fuss at you for that. Bowie was well enough with water, but he loved to run. Flat out and full out....god I loved it.

[Oh she would be right there with that sentiment.] See that is one of the selling points. Want a taco? There is a place open that prolly has the best tacos you've ever had. And there is always a club open. It can make you a bit spoiled. [A thoughtful face before she added.] Kind of like a trap of sorts...

[She nodded.] Yes. Most of the others are washed away. But at least it is a short drive to get out, then they start coming back. Especially if you head towards Nevada. But honestly, even if it is clear out there, it isn't as good as home. [The girl did get homesick after all, despite her determination around her own endevours.] And Severnjacha, I like how that sounds. Is there a story around her?

Except when alcohol is involved, stupidity is more excusable. There's no excuse for the sober.

Sort of. It's a friendly sort of way to address someone, unless you don't know them. My friend Ruuk is always calling people by their Shatrovachki names ten seconds after meeting them and the reactions are... mixed. [Personally, she avoids that sort of thing until someone uses her nickname first; she'll let them establish boundaries. Unless it was her horse, of course. Loshmi was special.] My mother was glad I had him to hang onto when the water got high in the spring, yeah. He was big enough the currents never bothered him. She was less thrilled when I would get him to run fast and hold up our sheets like a giant flag. [It was fun at the time.]

I need my coffee and at least one kind of fried dough. So long as a city has that, it can lure me in like a moth to a flame, all common sense and warning signs be damned. And all the best Turkish booze ends up in city bars.

It's easier to see the stars across the river, where all the historical buildings are and there's less light pollution. There's a few more stars there. Not like the countryside, though, you're right. [God, what she'd give to go back out to the hills and lay around looking up at the sky for another night, just one more time.] Severnjacha is the little sister of Dazhbog, the sun. The work of being the world's guiding light was too much for him to do every day, so she took up part of the work at night.

Some people can get drunk from other things though. Or hell, just start thinking it is 'normal'. [Anna shook her head and made a displeased face at the thought.]

Usually we go with however people are introduced or introduce themselves. Or you 'earn' you nickname. Bad or good. [She smiled.] I've got one, my dad used to call me 'lil ace' and eventually that got shortened to LA...which kinda fits, sorta. [Anna didn't mention Cyn's habit of calling her 'kitten' because of reasons.] A good horse, or a good dog can be one hell of a babysitter. I know Bowie looked out for me. [Laughing at the image of a young version of the woman galloping across a field with sheets trailing behind her.] You were helping! So they didn't hang on the line too long. [Giving a firm nod to retroactively defend the girl's choices. After she would have done that herself.]

Ugh coffee, I cannot function without it but nobody makes it strong enough. [Pursing her lips in thought.] Besides the convenience and sheer variety of stuff nothing really is a must have. Setting everything aside of the things I do, I kind of have to do them there, I'd be happy to visit for a bit and retreat.

That's a pretty story. Plus it is true, we can take all the help we can get.[She loved stories, fables, and the like.] There are parts of L.A. like that, and you do have stretches of beaches that you can get to that block out a lot. And it is nice to stretch out on the sand and look while listening to the waves roll in. I didn't have those growing up, and I do like them. Even if they are colder than I was expecting.

I guess that settles it. Once everything is settled, you can move out to the country, be a history tutor with a horse ranch. All you need to do is find someone to run Turkish booze out to you once a month. [Anna gave a wide warm smile and nodded as if it were the simplest thing achieve.]

bad rap

bad rap

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