toplvl | unpopular opinions

[That Loki has managed to unnerve Hawkeye once again, leaves him feeling small, ineffective and shameful. He tries to pay attention to what's being described to him.
There were several names on that list, that Loki had never heard before. Maybe he hadn't been with the group for long enough to meet them. Nearly half of them? He does clearly remember when there were only six; he'd fought them. Researched them, as he'd said.]

[Everything starting from for you to try to sidle up to is infinitely enraging and Loki chalks it up to Clint being insulting again, in much the same way as the one Loki usually worked with. After this conversation, he could now understand a lot more about why. Also Loki tried to keep in mind that the insulting phrasing may have to do with defensiveness of the people in his own timeline. Not wanting Loki's interference. But they had to exist. It couldn't be over. They'd been too successful, too dear to everyone to just... fall apart.]

[Loki is hyperaware of the delicacy of his role in this situation. There were only so many things he could ask after or attempt. But they had to be rebuilt. It couldn't be over. He wouldn't let it be over. There is a short pause while Loki attempts to compose himself enough to respond to all of it. Anger... was not... helpful. No matter how insulting that last barrage of sentences had been.] As dearly as I love my brother. And relieved as I am, to hear he yet lives...

That group... was necessary for your realm's survival. I haven't met half of those people. I don't... [How was this even such an appalling thought to him, when he was numbed? It's like it was just wrong on some sort of basic, intellectually visceral level.] have the right to return there if I'm not wanted. But they have to exist.

That more deaths happened... is awful enough. They cannot disband. [And he'd just stressed that. Growled it out as forcefully as he had. To Hawkeye of all people. And that's when the panic attack starts.]

I can't-- I-I-I-I-I can't-- I can't-- I can't-- Can't-- I-I-I-I-I...

[You look like a mess, Clint had said. This can't really be helping that. By this point, his visage is almost as awful as he'd looked after stepping through the portal. He turns away, to hide this reaction from Clint, then abruptly sits on the ground, curling one leg up toward himself while panting.]

[He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand this Loki, at least. That somehow this information, this fact, both enrages him and panics him so much that he can hardly stand. The world spins on without The Avengers; it has plenty of other heroes now.

So he's baffled, yeah. Disturbed by the reactions, the insistence of something that is not. There is something tremendously wrong with this version of Loki.

And what might be the worst part is the tiny fraction of Clint that wants to do what he can to soothe it away. It's annoying. It's absurd. It persists.

At the very least, even if they can't reach any sort of reasonable agreement, he should leave the guy in a state that is not worse than when they started. Even if Loki might deserve it. And he's not entirely certain that Loki does. (This Loki. Because now that it's clear that this one differs from the one he knows, knew, he can no longer be sure of what his Loki experienced. Maybe that one held more of his mind. Maybe that one held no care or affection at all. It's likely, now, that he'll never know. Which makes this potential for catharsis a tease at best.)

He takes a few breaths as though to calm himself, and then he sits as well. Slow and easy and cross-legged, hands resting on his knees. With others, he might try a soothing touch if possible. This, this is a situation he's going to treat not unlike a cornered animal. Keep his voice as even as possible. Don't get upset. Don't get angry. Maybe don't snark, but given this is Clint, that's asking a whole lot.]

Making me kinda envious of your universe. Mine's not set up quite that way. That's okay. Earth's still standing. Lotta people in it that can step up to the plate.

You don't owe a debt to me. You owe one to the other Hawkeye, the one you know from where you're from. My Loki owes me a debt. You can't join my world's Avengers because they broke up- [he blows a little air between his lips] -about eight years ago or so. The legacy lives in, but the original crew, we're done. And that's okay. You've got your Avengers.

Is that enough?

[There is usually something tremendously wrong with any version of Loki, really, but this one's seen a bit more suffering than some of his alternates. He glances back over his shoulder when he hears Hawkeye moving, and is stunned to find that they're both sitting, before Loki turns back to face away from him once more. Loki knows he must look insane, and he feels so much worse than he's letting himself appear. He's just so glad that Clint isn't angry about his ridiculous outburst.]

[There might be a lot of people in Clint's universe who could defend Midgard, but they weren't Loki's friends. His debt, his meaning, his sanity. The mage really isn't certain when they became all of that. Slowly, gradually, they'd become one of the few sureties he could trust in the universe. To hear of them falling apart like this in another timeline... it couldn't happen.]

[Even when he'd purposely enraged them, he'd known that the Avengers were the ones to enrage, first. He'd looked at his options and they were the fastest, most ethical, versatile way, both to fight and to make an impression that warned others of the oncoming danger. Clearly Thor had similarly considered them worth joining, rather than any other groups on Midgard. Having seen his fair share of it, Loki didn't trust money or power or traditional roles. Midgard needed people who were just good, without restriction.]

[His heart feels sick and throbbing, deep within his chest. Loki regains control over his breathing, but he won't let himself ask which ones are dead, which ones survived. The conversation, as it had been, was already far more than he could take. And now Hawkeye of all people, was having to coddle him like some infant when Loki should be stronger than this.]

I don't. Have-- [He gives a self-effacing little plosive laugh,] my Avengers, if you want to call them that.

I... ran from my own timeline. I spend most of my time in two others. The Avengers I joined... the me of that universe was dead already. Or so they said.

[Quietly, Loki shifted so that they were facing one another again, and crosses his legs beneath himself, as well.] It's easier... to fulfill the debt of someone I was not, but was similar to, [Loki explains.] If I were to return to my universe, Thanos is still there, Odin is still there, and I truly doubt the Avengers would welcome me. It was hard enough, in the universe where we do work together, to gain their trust and friendship. I don't expect it will go over well with the ones I directly... attacked.

And I can't save every Midgard. I see what you mean. But that group was a precious thing, in the universe. So worthwhile that multiple beings from outside your world knew it to be.

I'm sorry. I have experienced... far too much loss. And this discussion was already... an absolute nightmare. Which again. Is my fault.

I'm really not sure it will ever be enough. How many Midgards I have to save before I feel... like it's over. I'm sure I'm not... the only person in the group who wouldn't really... ever feel right, if it was all just over. Bucky and Tasha and Wanda and Strange, we... We're not like the others. We need this. To prove who we are. Who we were.

It's not-- just that our friends are dead, and it... shouldn't have had to be you who told me. And it is not just... that I am displeased losing yet another component of self-definition. That's okay; by this point, I've learned to replace them easily enough. Life goes on. We adapt.

I meant it. Without a group like that... ethical, unaffiliated, unpaid, instant, answering to no one, until later when they must answer to every nation on your world... then your planet becomes predictable. Open to systemic corruptions and too slow to adequately face another threat like Thanos. It's not enough that they do good separately. That group... for all of its ridiculous flaws and failures, it was so worth it. You can't let it die. I can't let it die.

[He hates the way that for everything that Loki says, it's her name that is the focus of all of his attention.

Because it's wild enough that he speaks of them with familiarity and friendliness. There's a world or two out there where Strange and Loki get along well enough to fight side by side. Where Loki calls him Bucky and doesn't get his teeth punched out with a metal fist.

But there's at least one version of the timeline where Nat's alive.

His palms feel sweaty, skin clammy. He hears Loki's words, but for a few blank moments, he's back on a quiet alien world under the most beautiful sky he's ever beheld. And none of it makes up for the loss. The weight of the Soul Stone impossibly heavy in his hand as warm waters lap at him. And she is gone. She is gone to such an extent that not even the power of all of the fucking Stones will undo the damage, because that's the bargain made for power.

Did it have to be like that?]

In these other timelines you hop around in. [It might infuriate Loki that Clint is going to so deftly avoid the meat of the topic, the crux of the argument, to take a trip to the side.] What happened to Thanos?

[Loki glances at Clint again, in something that looks like fear-disappointment, before thinking. His shoulders bunch a little and he draws a deep breath, knowing Hawkeye probably won't like what he's going to hear.] One of the realities, I believe is still long before Thanos was a threat.

The other one. The one where I joined all of you. We've been together for only... about a year. Out of that, we've had... I think it's six actual missions by now. About a dozen... side distractions. [And a few holidays.]

They didn't... actually tell me what happened with Thanos. I asked. Repeatedly. Another version of me asked me to ask them, as well. They seemed... upset, when I asked. Reticent to speak of it. At least to speak of it... to me.

[He sighs.] I don't know if they just don't trust me. I'd had... plans at one point-- just-- ideas of what might work against him.

I wish I knew. I'm sorry. It's possible-- that I'm not the only one from outside their timeline. That whoever died in your universe, died in theirs and we... just found our way to that place from this one.

[It's after he's done describing, that Loki feels a distant bite of frustration about the argument being derailed. The numbness helps him not to completely melt down about it. Even then he must acknowledge that he's not willing to give up the group and that he was willing to pretend to be them, to each other, if he had to. They could hate him for it, if they wanted. But he shouldn't make decisions while emotionally numb, either, so perhaps later he'd consider that a terrible idea.]

[It doesn't tell him as much as he'd like. But at the end of the day, he has to focus on his own reality. The things that happened there. The people that are still there. And keep going for the ones who aren't. What's Clint going to do, trade out one universe for another? For the sake of one person? Run away the way Loki admits to doing?]

Stark made a sacrifice play to get rid of Thanos and his whole army.

[That's not the important part. It's an important part. Clint's never been good at holding grudges, and Tony was there from the start. He never really hated the guy even after the Avengers broke up, but it was hard to hold the whole thing against him after it led to quality time in actual (if this time forced) retirement with his family). It's not hard to mourn. But the world is doing a good job of showing that whole outpouring of love for the guy.]

Steve went back through time to set some things right. Never came back.

[Maybe not dead, technically. But he is to the world at large. Losing the beloved figure of Captain America has hit people hard, and there's a kind of patriotic idealism that's been left in his wake that turns Clint's stomach. Because that's not what Cap was about. Maybe Sam will show them.

He swallows. The world has done a far less good job of showing love for another lost member, though her grave certainly gets visits.]

Tasha gave herself up for me.

[For Laura, Cooper, Lila, Nate. For Wanda, T'Challa, Bucky. For half of the universe. Whatever it takes. It was for a noble and necessary cause. But he knows. He knows that between the two of them, she did it for him.]

[ He knew it would come as a shock, whoever was dead. But Tony... the man he'd thrown from a window, who reminded him of past-himself and shared his homes with them... that hurts. Loki's shame and guilt will never truly attain closure either, with this version who has died, and Tony would never grow. ]

[ It will now probably be obvious, how deeply Loki has numbed himself, because while his eyes go deeper and his jaw drops a bit about the news of Tony's death, he also looks very detached. Almost like he's watching it on television or something. ]

[ Then it gets worse. Evidently Hawkeye feels like unloading it all on him, even after all the shame and the meltdown knocking him to the floor. Fun times. ]

[ Steve. It takes his breath away. Steve and Bucky had been the first to accept him, the first to listen about the Mind Stone and the first to protect him from the others. If Loki hadn't been grieving as deeply as he is, it might occur to him that the death of a political figure (who was actually wearing a symbol and encouraged the idea of being synonymous with it) could have awful consequences. But for right now all he can think of is how he took Steve's form after Frigga's death, to mock the man's naivete and over-confidence. Admittedly, he'd also remembered exactly how he'd looked, because their first meeting in Stuttgart had reminded Loki so much of Frigga, as well. ]

[ What had happened to Bucky? Or to Sam? They couldn't-- the group couldn't be over. Loki wouldn't let them be over. Bucky must be driven half mad with all this. ]

[ Loki had already begun to regard Clint with actual alarm, after Steve's disappearance is mentioned. But nothing could have prepared him for hearing about Tasha. He leans backward, away from Hawkeye, like he can dodge the words themselves. ]

[ Hawkeye's partner. One of the guilt squad. One of the hardest to prove himself to, despite their similarities. The way they'd met had been appalling enough, verbally trouncing each other before Ego had taken over with much more pronounced and vicious threats. But Hawkeye. She was so close to Hawkeye and she hated Loki... ]

[ He opens his mouth to speak, but his throat won't let him. He forces the feelings down, even as the tears begin. It's like they're someone else's tears. He doesn't have to feel it. ] Thank you for telling me.

[ Is that why you disbanded? Loki thought, With your leader and the owner of your headquarters both dead? With your partner dead... This was far too much, far too fast, but Loki wasn't going to ask Clint to stop. Knowing was important. It might be important for any plans later, too. ]

And it's been eight years? [ There was something wrong with Loki's tone, enough that even he noticed it. He sounded so numb that the words had an oddly hollow ring to them. He couldn't help it anymore; it was too much. ]

It's been [with a steadying breath in the middle, because even he can't believe it's been:] about a year, now. Since we stopped Thanos and lost those three.

Eight's been since the technical disbanding of the gang. Hey, nothing like the fate of the universe to get the gang back together, especially after half of said universe got brought back from oblivion.

[He says it casually, because if he says it any other way, he might just break. At least to Loki. Who has calmed down significantly, but only because it's pretty clear he's just going through the motions numbly. Somehow it's too much emotion and information too fast, and Loki's decided going into shutdown mode is better than the endless tears and searing rage.

Somehow Clint doesn't like that any better. And it's a fucking bizarre thing to suddenly want to apologize to someone like Loki, for telling him things that are upsetting that he didn't even have to live through. His hands tighten on his knees, relax again, and then he leans back so his clammy hands rest on the floor instead. Lets it all hang there, watching, observing Loki, really taking him in.]

I think we're done for right now. [It's slow and sure and calm. Admittedly tapping into his dad voice.] I think you need some time to work through this. [Which, again, still buckwild to him, but here they are.]

[Eyes widening upon hearing it had only been a year, Loki nodded. Eight since the technical disbanding of the gang. And even hearing the phrase half of said universe has Loki tensing up while numbed as well, as though Thanos is going to recapture him at any moment.]

[He's watching Hawkeye, too, even as traumatized as he is. Even while he knew he might have to betray this man to get the group back together. Information was imperative. Especially knowing how Hawkeye felt about him after... well, after everything. Loki sees that hand tense for a moment, isn't sure what it's about, and then it's a bit of a shock to find Barton leaning back like this. Especially since it just leaves his chest open to attack or... or... okay Loki didn't need another flashback. He focuses on his breathing, looking at the floor.]

Anyone would, [he agrees. Was that a bit of his show-off nature coming back? He didn't have any reason to be so defensive, but... he was. Rough day, he supposed.]

[Were they to part, now? Or was Clint suggesting a particular way to work through it?] What would you suggest?

Used to be a time I could look at you and figure out what you needed. [A long time ago to him, for a few very long days.]

I don't know anymore. I just know that we need to stop talking about the shit in my world so you can get an even keel again. Don't know what that looks like, to you. The things you do to calm down and reorient yourself back into your body.

[Whether it's sex or training or listening to music loud or meditating or what the fuck ever. Something, anything, to come back to himself and feel things again.

Maybe this is foolish. He shouldn't care about where Loki's head is at. But he's not here to ruin the man, not unless Loki comes to ruin him first.]

[Loki's breath catches for a moment, and he has to force it to continue. Lovely reminders there, thank you. Loki continues to stare at the floor. It was shocking to him to hear Clint admit it, but all the more so, given that Barton's chest was facing him. Evidently... somehow he'd succeeded at gaining this Clint's trust, enough for that.]

[It was so bizarre and frustrating to him, how he'd practically begged the group for understanding for years, but they'd refused to trust him until he'd become a sobbing mess. They'd trusted villainous versions of him, even! Over him! Sweetened words, rather than quiet, careful ones. Until Loki had felt that he'd lost everyone, and meeting them caused him to shatter. And something in them... couldn't take that. For this version of Clint, as well as the Avengers in his teamed up universe, the answer seemed to have less to do with truthfulness and more to do with vulnerability. Which Loki wasn't really good at. Currently he felt like an imposition upon poor Clint, who clearly had enough troubles of his own.]

[The description made it sound as though Barton had been to a soul healer, to learn it. Or... whatever it was called on Midgard. Therapist? Loki hadn't preferred the idea of ever being so vulnerable as to speak his memories like that to another person. As such, it was Barton claiming that Loki had looked like a mess, earlier. Loki couldn't contain it anymore. There was too much. The research wasn't helping him enough. Maybe he should look into therapists. In either realm.]

That's... a good idea. But that's going to take a while.

Did you have anything else you'd... wanted to discuss?

[Loki finally managed to look Clint in the eyes again. And Barton's eyes weren't glowing. Even though his chest was there.]

[SHIELD wasn't exactly going to take back someone with open arms who had been under the thrall of the bad guy of the week, no matter what Fury and Nat said, without some assurances. It sure as hell included mandated therapy. And after struggling with the idea of it, the takeaway was...that the right doc can make a difference. He's thankfully never been too deeply entrenched in any kind of overly masculine ideal. Kept someone on speed dial, just in case.

Should probably look into picking that back up sometime. Though in some sense, ridding himself of the Ronin outfit was a form of therapy in itself.

Not gonna suggest Loki go to human Earth therapy, though. Holy shit, he's not going to saddle some poor fuck with that.

He tips his head up and looks like he's going to say something curt and witty, but doesn't. Like something's caught his tongue halfway there. Looks at Loki. Looks at Loki looking at him in turn. An odd string of tension in the air. And maybe, belatedly, he considers the openness of his pose. If someone were to fly at him right now, it's not the best position to put up a fight from initially (though he certainly would do it). Is it the thoughtless physical vulnerability that's helping to trip Loki up? He's pretty sure this Loki isn't about to snap and attack him out of the blue.

Pretty sure Loki was never keen on attacking him, after recognizing Clint's heart.

...Oh.

And where he'd felt the crawl of mild panic at the memories of Nat, now suddenly he feels a prickling shiver along his skin. Shuts his mouth slow and simply breathes, trying to become less sharply, keenly aware of his physical self now that it's brought into focus. If he asked Loki what he was thinking about when looking at him, what kind of answer would he get?

Set it aside. Set that thought aside immediately before it burns the both of them. He lets out a huff of a breath and rolls forward, and then up and onto his feet. Makes his way over to Loki. Holds out a hand to likewise help him to his feet.

At least it's not grabbing. Just an offer.]

Nothing that can't wait. Kinda would rather talk to you-you, not barely-registering-feelings-you.

[Though there's the question of whether he'd prefer to talk to Loki at all. Which he won't mention or bring up.]

[Realizing that Barton cannot possibly lift Loki's weight, the trickster braces off the floor while using the other man's forearm as a balance. He still feels surprisingly heavy, even then. His legs still felt a little watery, but maybe that was going to last a while. It reminded him a bit of how he'd felt upon learning that he hadn't accidentally killed Thor with the Destroyer, when Loki had momentarily needed Gungnir to remain standing.]

[Normally the note that he'd numbed out, despite all his promises to himself, would cause Loki to feel guilty. But he was fresh out of feels now, and it just annoys him instead, more with himself than with Clint.] I don't think you would. That's not... a good idea, in this state.

Magic... at least seidr... comes with magical somatic reactions. Like... when Thor makes it rain. Usually mine are wind. [Usually. He'll leave out the times when they've been ice bolts or fireballs, because he's trying not to scare Clint.]

I like high places. Gets windy on top of buildings. A little air's not gonna bother me. You weren't doing it earlier. [When the emotions came hard and fast and frantic and intense.

If Loki were gonna do something, it'd be...tossing a puny human through a wall for his impunity or something. But, it seems a bit of magic would be something he doesn't normally consciously control. Not the same thing.]

What's the alternative? Just tell you every little detail that's gonna upset you and overload you for later? Do I seem like that kind of dickhead to you?

[If he'd been fresh off the scepter's power, angry scared horrified traumatized, sure. He probably would've reveled in the idea of causing Loki emotional damage. Would've liked more to just kill him and be done with it. But he's not that. Right now.]

[Shrugging about the wind atop buildings, Loki opens his mouth to answer that he hadn't lost control of it earlier... except that Clint is continuing onward. Into questions that Loki doesn't really understand.]

[The idea that Clint would be happier with Loki's numbness than with an air pressure wave, wasn't the same thing as insisting that Barton overload him! Loki draws back, insulted, confused and frustrated even through the numbness. Deep breaths.]

You do not. I think I may not be the only person... who needs some time to think.

I did not intend to imply that you would want to hurt me. Merely that I thought the numbness was better than the alternative.

[Clint shrugs, stuffing hands into pockets. Still a too-vulnerable move from him, but still not going to pretend like he's afraid of Loki in this moment, so.]

Personally, it doesn't seem too healthy, but I get that kind of defense mechanism is necessary. I'd say I trust you to know what's better for you and your own limits, but...well, that'd be a lie.

...Thank you. [Thank may really not have been the word he was reaching for there, by the sounds of it. Loki waffles on whether Clint is trying to be insulting or... actually trying to perform an odd sort of intervention?]

I can't... be that upset in front of you. I can't do that to you. Or to the hope of helping.

And there are some things I'd prefer no one see. [~~Or know about.~~]

And you've had a hard enough day already.

[There's something callous and snarky that catches on his tongue, about the things he has done to Clint before, but that apparently getting really emotional and magical about it is somehow a step too far--and swallows it back down.

Let's try that again.]

We can at least call it a day and have a little time to recoup. Appreciate that you don't wanna fuck up my day more than I've already fucked it.

But... [Once again, the danger in having a chance to know, and knowing he probably shouldn't ask.] What do you think would happen if you were that upset in front of me?

[While Loki can see that Clint is restraining something, he has no idea how big that something is, so he just waits for the other man to get his words together.]

[He's astounded to receive a compliment, and really has no idea of how to respond to it. Thank you would sound callous, under the circumstances, but there have been very few times, in the past few years, that people have appreciated anything he's done or said. Ever since breaking up with his own alternate, Loki had become quite used to being loathed. Especially since it was usually due to his own mistakes. His gaze flicks to Barton, then down, and after a moment he decides that a nod is the best way to answer.]

[The question is also unexpected and Loki thinks it over for a long few seconds, then releases a sigh before he speaks.] At best, we just met, after you've had prior experience with another me. I think... my trauma responses would shock you, possibly into feeling threatened. I think my fear and rage would have you feeling threatened as well. Especially if I became snappish. I think if it got... extremely bad, you wouldn't know how to react to someone you... obviously are still deciding how to respond to.

Of course my worst imaginings go something like "I would knock you down with a air pressure wave, set fire to the ground and make you have a flashback." Or-- enrage you by being angry or forceful. Or somehow... make you think I was like other-me. Or the stone. [This last is choked out a little more quietly than the rest, and Loki watches the ground, trying to maintain the numbness. The discussion is drawing him out, whether he wants it to or not. It was hard to talk about feelings while ignoring them.]

Were any of the other mes you knew particularly threatened by your snappishness?

[Because to him, it seems like Loki is hugely overblowing whatever might happen way out of proportion. Even the potential idea of forcing a flashback isn't exactly the worst thing that could happen. Would suck, yeah. But he can fucking give himself flashbacks if he isn't paying attention. Like with Nat--

And the idea of being enraged seems laughable. Might get tetchy. Annoyed, frustrated, even maybe touch on genuine anger. But enraged? Seems like a stretch.]

You seem to genuinely give a fuck. I'm not worried, okay?

[Loki's emotions are a bit of a tell, before he even responds. He winces at the first question, then seems to be looking to the past with consideration, then annoyed and awkward.] I'm glad you're not.

And-- other yous... about half of them would not withstand my presence at all, and any overtures I made to them were rejected, so... I suppose my snappishness was never really a topic introduced there.

Of the half that were willing to listen... they tolerated my presence. They didn't want me there. But they were willing to give me a chance to prove myself. So I didn't... really want to test my welcome.

I-I just... don't want to come across as antagonizing. The position I find myself in-- it's difficult enough. For all of us. I purposely angered them. I lied to save them. I've made enough bad impressions. I just-- don't want to push my luck. [Look, someone's learning Midgardian English phrases.] Or make anyone feel threatened in any way, so I... m-maybe I'm overthinking it. But sometimes my anger is... noisy. Or taken the wrong way.

I suppose-- with you-- maybe I can show it. Just... if I ever... seem imposing to you... I'd want you to tell me. I-I'd want to avoid that.

Think you've made it plenty clear that you're not out to antagonize me. [That's why Loki's a worried, stuttering, neurotic mess. Nothing about that is threatening, imposing, or antagonizing.]

How about this. And it might be hard for you given your...reputation, but. Don't lie to me. I'm not saying you have yet, but I mean more along the lines that whatever you feel, don't blunt it, don't pretend you don't feel it. If you're not okay, don't say you're okay. If things get heated, don't back down unless you actually want to. Don't...modify yourself for my sake.

Don't protect me from you. Just be you. Whatever that means.

[Clint's alternate, in the universe where Loki had joined the Avengers, would probably agree that Loki's behavior wasn't antagonistic any longer. But such things had really never been expressed, so the archer's words do feel slightly eerie, to Loki. Encouraging him down this path that has only ever been fraught and painful.]

[Carefully, Loki tests his ground.] I can do that. It's just I've never been asked to before. I-I suppose we could try.

And I'd... want to know, too. If our roles were reversed. [Supposedly, reading people was one of his best skills. Which in part, involved asking how he might feel, in their position. But with his traumas so heavily inundating the conversation, and all the talk about death and reputation, somehow he hadn't even considered that until now. With a sigh at his own ridiculousness, Loki closes his eyes for a moment.]

Okay. So we're gonna try being perfectly honest with each other from now on.

[Not that Clint's also outright lied, but he has held his tongue a couple times. That's just normal. But. If he's going to ask Loki not to blunt himself, maybe that means he needs to do the same. Whatever sharpened barbs he's got. Whatever odd thoughts that sit heavy on his tongue before he thinks better and swallows them back. It's only fair.

He doesn't have to be fair to Loki. But he's going to anyway.]

For better or worse.

[The idea of the honesty being for the worst, causes Loki a moment of fear that he quickly quashes. They'd see what happened. He was here because he needed to be. This was a setup that Barton had chosen as a part of Loki's debt to the Midgardians. They had to move forward.]

[So. What was going unsaid, before, for Loki? Certainly he wasn't going to mention being willing to play members of the group, to get them to join together again. But the rest of it, he supposed, could be used as a peace offering.] I-I am overwhelmed. As you'd said. I didn't... want to be numb, but there were too many traumas that we... referenced. And then...

[He takes a deep breath.] All this talk about death and Thanos and... the group splitting. It's... a lot to unpack.

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